@tiffanyreisz asks: What are you, Lord Akeldama? Are you an Earl or a Duke or a Baron? Or are you a Lord in the way Lady Gaga is a Lady?

My dearest girl, that is rather an impertinent question, don’t you feel? The important thing is that I have status to which I can elude. It should never be addressed directly. That would be bragging.

@_dchan asks: Dear Lord Akeldama: Do you prefer trousers or knee breeches?

As occasion demands, my little gherkin, as occasion demands. That said, there is something about knee britches, especially the well-fitted satin ones that is so very youthful and flattering.

@LoulouHN asks Lord Akeldama, I have some trouble concerning colour schemes. I thought cream/white and black/navy were unacceptable, but some of my friends strongly disagree. What would you say?

Oh dear, but they are all rather dull, aren’t they sugar plum? How about a nice gold and crimson? Or perhaps silver and royal blue? So much more flattering to the complexion.

@luvinjrandsmoke asks: Dear Lord Akeldama, what is the best refreshment for a cold night when one is not a vampire?

A young mortal of my acquaintance suggests warm milk with a dollop of coffee liquor and a sprinkling of cinnamon if you are suffering from insomnia. Another dear friend is awfully fond of the odd dash of amaretto in her tea. I, however, must return to tradition in being excessively partial to the hot toddy: lemon, brandy, honey, and boiled water.

@MsBobbilicious asks: Dear Lord Akeldama, how can I rekindle my honey’s desire? I know you’ll have the perfect advice!

I find that most gentlemen respond well to flattery and even a tiny taste of aggression, they are so unused to such things, poor lambs. To be wanted, my dear, can never be underrated. Also, do not discount the power of a good bottle of bubbly to relax the morals and lighten the heart’s affections.

Quote of the Day:

“We have seen a turquoise pin worn in a violet-coloured cravat, and the effect was frightful.”

~ Routledge’s Etiquette for Gentlemen (c. 1850)