wolfgang20 asks: I would be most interested to know Lord Akeldama’s comments on yesterday’s dress. Does he prefer it to Diana’s wedding dress (I assume they were great pals)? I assume that the current queen does not take much notice of his fashion comments at her twice weekly meetings with him (or does he bite his tongue & not mix business with pleasure?)

This is a question was almost important enough to bring Lord Akeldama around to seriousness. I did say almost. But here, in the end are his thoughts on the Royal Wedding.

That lovely Katiebumpkin, she tries so hard, dear little thing. My but she has rather shrunk of late, has she not? I do think there is something far more appealing about a curvaceous brunette. Now we blonds, we can be waifish, but brunettes must either be strapping or shapely, in my considered opinion. In choosing a classic Grace Kelly style dress our little Katiekins manages to satisfy the most while offending the least, a desirable quality indeed in prospective nobility. An even more desirable quality in a politician.

As to Diana, the very largeness of her dress must be considered a positive, and the creamy color was rather nice, but the woman had short hair. I simply could never quite recover from the shock. Short!

And as to the Queen Herself. Well, you have only to see what that woman wears to know she cares very little for my opinion on the matter. It is a source of great sadness to us all, no doubt. I wont even mention the Windsor Forehead Exposure Issue. I am reminded of a bit of doggerel I once picked up down the Nib & Crinkle,

“Like an army in defeat, his hairline beats a brave retreat . . .”

(For the record my creator rather liked the later reception gown with cardigan. But hen, Miss Gail does adore a cardy.)

Kiya V asks: Dear Lord Akeldama have you or would you ever consider keeping drones of the female Persuasion?

My dearest darlingest ladybird, how do you know I haven’t already?

MG asks: Do you prefer the opera or the theatre, or is it a werewolf only pastime?

Oh la, both, and the ballet as well, upon occasion. So long as it is a comedy I’m not particular, although the opera is better dressed as a general rule. It’s those terrible maudlin tragedies I can’t possibly stomach. It’s simply too horrible to think anyone actually dies.

mjspice asks: What would you do if Prince Poppycock challenged you to a singing duel?

Bow out gracefully. That pink is a paragon, I could never even approach his level of talent. Now, his wardrobe on the other hand . . .

isalicefantasy asks: When confronted in public about your choice of attire, what is your specific reaction? It is so frustrating when people attempt to mock me for various fashion ventures. I would love your advice.

Sail above it all, my pansy, with the certain knowledge that you are the better for a superior appearance. Should someone criticize your choice of a summer cape, for example, you might say, “Well of course not everyone has the right proportions to carry off a cape. You, for example, are regrettably short. I recommend a cropped jacket or something similar from last season. Oh, I see, you already have one.” Pity them, my dear, for in the end they can only benefit from your advice.

And that’s enough fabulousity for now,

Miss Gail

• Want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? You can only do that through Gail’s newsletter, the Chirrup. 

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