All About Author Demographics, Histograms, and Tragic Tea Abuse (Important for Writers)

Gentle Reader,

This is being written in 2020. I’m currently scrambling to finish up the very first draft of Heartless.

This means that I am back contemplating the great and fateful Histogram of Authorial Procrastination.

Otherwise know as: the graph of coffee shop visits and writing competency

A year or so ago I made this histogram charting the average author’s emotional security progress through writing a book. This, of course, is based on an entirely representative sample of one. Me.

On the Y axis we have: Number of Visits to the Local Coffee Shop
On the X axis we have: Progress of Book Towards Completion described as follows
  • 0-20% completeThrill of a New Adventure, during which phase your hardy author-beast stays home and is Very Diligent
  • 20-40% completeNose to the Grindstone, during which phase your terrified author-beast is driven to productivity by the sheer weight of deadline
  • 40-60% completeStruggle With Progress, your long-suffering author-beast has achieve the half way point, only to realize she must do the same again
  • 60-80% complete I Suck, Why Bother?, during this phase your depressive author-beast is convinced everything she writes is rubbish, people are only buying her books out of pity, the editor will want a massive rewrite, and she should take up manufacturing shoes for earthworms or something equally useful
  • 80-100% completeVictory is Mine, during this phase the light appears at the end of the tunnel, the betas are clamoring for the next book, and your triumphant author-beast has decided once more she is brilliant.
This final state of euphoria will, of course, last exactly as long as it takes for your author-beast to print out the manuscript and begin her first read through at which juncture, the entire process repeats. (So guess which stage I am in?)

Happy Fourth of July weekend to those who care about such things. I, myself, have never quite recovered from the terrible loss of tea life that precipitated the whole matter. However, it is a vacation in my part of the world and it is an excused to do that thing in the back yard where we burn the meat. So, I will not be back online until Weds. Catch you all then.

Quote of the Day:

“If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.”

~ Kingsley Amis


Posted by Gail Carriger

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