Please welcome the gentleman vampire back to my blog this week, Gentle Reader.

Header Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Fashion, Feminism & Faux

As always Lord Akeldama is happy to entertain your questions, although he may not give you the answer you wish, he always gives your question the answer it deserves.

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And now…

Dear Lord Akeldama

Lisa asks: Since you are a master of subtle manipulation, how would you get a teenage boy to clean up after himself without seeming to nag?

Keep him company in his own room until it is clean. Set up residence with a book. Nothing is more off-putting to a young gentleman than lack of privacy and constant exposure to his own parent. Other option? Offer to clean it yourself… and Instagram the most embarrassing things you find.

Christopher asks: What do you think of Hawaiian shirts for very casual daywear?

I try not to think about them at all.

Alicia asks: How do you politely tell someone to stuff it?

I find turning my head away, finding that something vastly interesting has caught my attention elsewhere, and simply drifting off works wonders.

Pamela asks: What to do when one’s physical limitations demand practical shoes?

Do not go anywhere.

Mara asks: What is a lady of reputable breeding and with a tendency to go against the social norm to do to when faced with stupid and boring ladies who think a woman’s sense in life are clothes, marriage, and children.

Write.

Jack asks: Flossing or just brushing?

What a silly question to ask a man who has a liquid diet.

Fiona asks: How do you feel about the Faux trend: i.e. Faux fur, Faux Leather, T-shirts with tuxedos printed on them, leggings printed to look like jeans.

Is fashion not, at its heart and soul, entirely motivated by deception and manipulation? Trompe-l’œil away, my sneaky darlings, visual espionage is an ancient tradition. The Romans did it with walls.

Cherries asks: Honorable sir, what should one do when a present has been given, but no thanks has been offered in the form of a card or note or even…gasp…an email?

Assume that the present was either undelivered, unacceptable, insulting, or unwelcome. Whatever the case, do not bestow another.

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Liza asks: Lord Akeldama, pray tell, what is your favorite book?

I am rather partial to Mr. Wilde’s Picture of Dorian Gray. There are some who have speculated that it is about me. I assure you there is no painting in my garret. Although there is this fresco in a stairwell in the British Museum… Of course, The Vampyre is a work of pure comic genius, always good of a laugh.

Miss Gail