Please welcome the gentleman vampire back to my blog this week, Gentle Reader.
As always Lord Akeldama is happy to entertain your questions, although he may not give you the answer you wish, he always gives your question the answer it deserves.
Dear Lord Akeldama
Lisa asks: Since you are a master of subtle manipulation, how would you get a teenage boy to clean up after himself without seeming to nag?
Keep him company in his own room until it is clean. Set up residence with a book. Nothing is more off-putting to a young gentleman than lack of privacy and constant exposure to his own parent. Other option? Offer to clean it yourself… and Instagram the most embarrassing things you find.
Christopher asks: What do you think of Hawaiian shirts for very casual daywear?
I try not to think about them at all.
Alicia asks: How do you politely tell someone to stuff it?
I find turning my head away, finding that something vastly interesting has caught my attention elsewhere, and simply drifting off works wonders.
Pamela asks: What to do when one’s physical limitations demand practical shoes?
Do not go anywhere.
Mara asks: What is a lady of reputable breeding and with a tendency to go against the social norm to do to when faced with stupid and boring ladies who think a woman’s sense in life are clothes, marriage, and children.
Jack asks: Flossing or just brushing?
What a silly question to ask a man who has a liquid diet.
Fiona asks: How do you feel about the Faux trend: i.e. Faux fur, Faux Leather, T-shirts with tuxedos printed on them, leggings printed to look like jeans.
Is fashion not, at its heart and soul, entirely motivated by deception and manipulation? Trompe-l’œil away, my sneaky darlings, visual espionage is an ancient tradition. The Romans did it with walls.
Cherries asks: Honorable sir, what should one do when a present has been given, but no thanks has been offered in the form of a card or note or even…gasp…an email?
Assume that the present was either undelivered, unacceptable, insulting, or unwelcome. Whatever the case, do not bestow another.
Liza asks: Lord Akeldama, pray tell, what is your favorite book?
I am rather partial to Mr. Wilde’s Picture of Dorian Gray. There are some who have speculated that it is about me. I assure you there is no painting in my garret. Although there is this fresco in a stairwell in the British Museum… Of course, The Vampyre is a work of pure comic genius, always good of a laugh.
Want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? Join the Chirrup
Quote of the Day:
“It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.”
~ P.G. WodehouseTags: Lord Akeldama, Victorian Fashion