It’s always a surprise to me when the Good Vampire wishes to drop by my blog. But it’s always a pleasure as well, and I am well aware that I need only step back and let him do his thing without interference.

So, without further ado, Gentle Reader, here is Lord Akeldama answering some of your many questions…

Briax asks, Sir, I understand that your personal network keeps you well informed as to all things, but in the matter of technology, how do you determine which is the most promising and which is rubbish? All of it appears new and fresh so what determines your choices?

My dear buckles, I merely ask myself the on all important question: is it pretty?

Jim asks, Greetings Sir, I’ve had a bit of a tiff with a colleague over his cutting remarks concerning my use of a silk brocade in a new waistcoat. He feels that I am dressing above my station. How do I properly respond in this matter?

My dear snerkles, one should always dress for the station one wants! Clothing is like an education, you can never have too much of the best kind, but something ill fitting or ill advised is best forgotten.

How would you recommend decorating a Great Room in an Arizona style house?

Like a sunset, all beautiful evening colors, drama drama drama! And, of course, lavishly. Do everything lavishly, my little desert flower. Why bother with anything less?

Lavender or roses?

I prefers something bolder, foxgloves or gladiolas. Big and bright and not strong smelling. The only scent in a room should be one’s own, my turtle dove.

What tea set pattern is a favorite?

I rather enjoy the boldness of something like Wileman Imari’s “Sunflower and Leaf Border.” But I have several so I may coordinate with my outfit of the day, of course, my little flitter-mouse.

What is your first name?

My dear honeysuckle, I’m fairly certain we are not on terms of such intimate acquaintance as that!

I’m always uncertain about many things and often feel myself to be the complete incarnation of a complete drab. Please grant me some of your infinite wisdom and amazing sense both fashion and mind. Please explain to me what I should do.

Be bold! Fortune supposedly favors us, particularly the fashionable. The secret to enjoying life, my wilting honeysuckle, is not to care what other people think. It’s delightfully liberating and such fun.

What do your favorite pair of socks look like?

Socks? Socks! Darling I wear silk stockings, doesn’t everyone?

Has there ever been a woman for you? An epic romance with amazing clothes?

One should never be restrictive in ones tastes. My creator is fond of the saying that one should try everything three times, in case the first two weren’t prepared properly. She is, naturally, talking about food. But then… so am I. You never know,  cuddlebiscuit, you could be missing your new favorite thing! Why impose limits?

Which vampire was responsible for spreading the news about the “cure” for “hysteria” for women?

Dr Caedes, of course. Isn’t it always?

Every time I hear Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen I think of you. Do you have a song you consider to be your personal theme song?

You mean aside from Maneater?

What should I wear for night out?

Something that makes you feel powerful. Comfort is all well and good, but nothing is more of a confidence booster than power. My creator likes red, I like jewel toned velvet. For some it’s boots. Well, let’s be honest, for many it’s boots.

Get yourself some fabulous boots, stompling.

What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Wearing a hat or not wearing a hat?

Did you have a great love?

My darling, I have always been an overachiever. I have many.

And with that we bow the Good Vampire out, and thank him for another scintillating , if confusing, visit. I do hope you have enjoyed out time together.

Yours in fabulousness,

Miss Gail

• Want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? You can only do that through Gail’s newsletter, the Chirrup. 

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