Dear Lord Akeldama: On Modern Identities & Future Appearances

The Good Vampire is back and snarkier than ever!

Please welcome him to the blog.

Header Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Modern Identities & Future Appearances

Dear Lord Akeldama…

Are you masquerading as Tom Hiddleston to throw 21st century folks off track? 

Anything is possible, my little crimson cherry drop.

Can I borrow your clothes?

No, but you can borrow my drones to take you shopping.

I have a brick fireplace with a wooden mantel. I am redecorating. What would make the fireplace look the best, painting more vibrant colors or stripping the paint to the original brick? 

This entirely depends on the rest of the house. If, in general you have painted everything light colors, then exposed brick can become a kind of accent. But if you have done dark, then I would paint it a lighter color.

If something is troubling you, treat it like a choice not a mistake. Works in writing. Works in life. Works in interior design.

Where do you get such wonderful tailoring? 

From my wonderful tailor, of course, don’t be silly darling.


Can I borrow Biffy as a lady’s maid? 

Biffy is otherwise engaged for the foreseeable future. And I do mean future.

Tiaras, too much for day wear? 

Diamonds are for evening but during the daytime perhaps pearls are acceptable. It would need to be a rather diminutive tiara, although there are always exceptions. Here are three tiara related questions to ask yourself…

  • Are you appearing at court? Yes.
  • Are you going courting? Maybe.
  • Are you appearing IN court? No.

What happens if immortals cut their hair? 

There’s no need to be rude!

Fashion suggestions for the fluffy graying gentleman?

You sound like a werewolf, hopeless case. Find yourself a project-orientated female or a Biffy, or both. Let them handle you for you.


Will we ever get a stand-alone? Need more of you, my sweetness. 

Honestly, to have that busy-body Miss Gail nosing about in my business on the regular? I think NOT.

Best place to find drones?

The West End, your local amateur dramatic society, the garment district, and LA… in that order.

What knot is the best cravat knot for a woman to wear?

The waterfall, it transitions over any unfortunate bumps with aplomb.

Why no female drones dahlink?? *stamps foot*

Temper. Temper.

Shows what you know.

Define female.

When will we read you again?

What, this isn’t good enough?

Did you want to ask Lord A a question? Just reply to your most recent Chirrup. Sign up here. 

Miss Gail


Dear Lord Akeldama & Parasolverse Ephemera

Being a collection of vampire advice columns, silly steampunk philosophical treatises, and deleted scenes from the Parasol Protectorate and more!

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Posted by Gail Carriger

One Response

  1. The WOL said:

    A Japanese magician performs legerdemain with a parasol to belly dancing music. Be still my brain!

    Dear Lord Akeldama, you many-splendored thing, you!

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