Category: Dear Lord Akeldama

Dear Lord Akeldama: The Vampire Answers 9 Fashion Questions

Posted by Gail Carriger

Happy New Year, my darling Gentle Reader. In fact, happy new decade!

With that in mind how about something from the man who has been through many many decades himself?

Why yes indeed, it’s our own favorite vampire dandy! And he is ready to solve all your fashion dilemmas…

Welcome Lord Akeldama… take it away!

Dear Lord Akeldama Ready for the Ball by François Brunery c1880

9 FASHION QUESTIONS

1. What would you say is your most useful advice? 

Better not to leave the house than to leave it ill dressed.

2. Oliver says: A friend of mine wore four flannels and and a jacket, at the same time, over a T-shirt?

I am all amazement.

3. What is the proper way for large women to wear vests and still look elegant?

Proper foundational garments.

4. What’s your process to remove bloodstains from your clothes? 

Cold water INSTANTLY. Never let blood sit for even a second. It’s the only time in my afterlife when I have any sense of, well, urgency.

5. What colors would best set off my grey (pewter, not silver) hair? 

Jewel tones darling, sapphire and emerald, ruby or royal purple if you dare.

via pimpernelfans tumblr Lord Akeldama Anthony Andrews

pimpernelfans tumblr (Anthony Andrews)

6. What is your opinion on bow ties for the adventurous, daring woman? 

Cautiously optimistic. I do like necks in bows, it’s always fun to unwrap a prettily presented snack.

7. I have always practiced the policy of getting completely dressed for an event, and then removing one piece of jewelry. Is this habit still valid, or has it become outdated? If it is still au courant, would you remove a pin or a bracelet?

Leave off the bracelet, my shimmery nugget. The primary purpose of jewelry in a modern social setting is to encourage dialogue ~ pins (or brooches) are more prominent and less common, and therefore more intriguing. Bracelets get caught on things all the time.

8. Miss Serena asks: Lemon juice does bring out the highlights in my hair, but without access to your pomade, how do I keep my naturally blond tresses from turning to straw? 

After washing out the lemon, mix baking soda in cold water (enough to soften the water but not supersaturate it) and pour over hair. Let sit for 10 minutes. Rinse out.

9. What are your thoughts on culottes? Are they only for summer time, or can they be worn any season?

I am generally against garments that cannot decide what they wish to be.

antique royals tumblr Lord Akeldama

via antique royals tumblr

And he’s gone!

Thank you all for paying him such close attention, he loves it, even if he doesn’t say so.

Extra nugget: 20 Queer Fantasy Books That Should Be On Your Radar

Want to ask the Good Vampire a question?

Just reply to your most recent Chirrup. Sign up here.

Speaking of which… this Sunday’s Chirrup (January 5, 2020) will offer the option to enter to win this goodie box!

Goodie Box Blue Purple Passion 2 Free stuff from Gail Carriger

You’ll need to be signed up and confirmed before it goes out, then there is a link to enter in the newsletter itself. I random number generate one winner, open to all who get the Chirrup.

Yours, thinking about a wardrobe overhaul,

Miss Gail

  • Not into newsletters? Get only new releases by following Gail on Amazon or BookBub

BOOK DE JOUR?

Meat Cute: The Hedgehog Incident featuring Alexia & Conall’s first encounter!

Meat Cute The Hedgehog Incident Gail Carriger Free Download

PREORDER NOW!

In this short story Alexia Tarabotti attends what seems to be a dull London party, until the new werewolf Alpha turns up, is unconscionably rude to her, and sits on a hedgehog.

UPCOMING SCRIBBLES

GAIL’S DAILY DOSE

Your Moment of Parasol . . .

RTW Romancing the Werwolf Gail Carriger Parasol Gold Teacup

Your Infusion of Cute . . .

Tea Cozy Tea Book Big

Currently coveting this Tea Cozy.

Your Tisane of Smart . . .

Victorian Laundry!

Your Writerly Tinctures . . .  

One of America’s Largest Publishers Is Screwing Over Libraries

Book News:

Sophril Reads says of Competence:

“I loved this book! There is just something about the life lessons in this series that just warms my heart.”

Quote of the Day:

neil gaiman quote fairy tales dragon

Questions about Gail’s Parasolverse? Wiki that sheez!


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ 8 Very Intrusive Questions

Posted by Gail Carriger

 

Guess who is back on the blog today, Gentle Reader?

Why yes indeed, it’s him! And he’s in a quick fire mood. So it’s going to be SNAPPY.

Welcome Lord Akeldama… take it away!

Dear Lord Akeldama Ready for the Ball by François Brunery c1880

8 VERY INTRUSIVE QUESTIONS

1. Can you tell me your secret for keeping so peppy? 

Expect the worst of the world, then when anything bad happens you’re self satisfied and when anything good happens, you’re pleasantly surprised.

2. Have you ever turned any of your drones?

Darling, I’m not quite that much of a queen.

3. How did you get from Egypt to England after your metamorphosis? 

Very very carefully.

Exploding Wicker Chicken Gail Carriger Finishing School

4. Can you enlighten me as to the identity of ‘Wicker Chicken’?

I could, but then she’d have to kill you and I just had the carpets cleaned.

5. Who does your hair after Biffy’s departure?

Why? Are you applying for the position?

6. BUR records show that you are referred to as Subject V-322-XA. Does this in anyway indicate your first name starting with an ‘X’ or is the ‘x simply a stand in because of your reluctance to share? 

Ah yes, I had a lover once who called me by the shortened version of my name. I was rather fond of him. He worked for BUR.

Gail Carriger Fan Art Christine @xenogsmith @gailcarriger -Lord Akeldama, Alexia, The Potentate, The Dewan and Lyall in the drawing room. (From a how to draw manga vampires book)

Christine @xenogsmith @gailcarriger -Lord Akeldama, Alexia, The Potentate, The Dewan and Lyall in the drawing room. (From a how to draw manga vampires book)

7. How do you find best to catch a gentleman’s attention in an amorous manner? 

I’m a great fan of witty banter, but the direct approach, while not one I employ too often myself, can be most efficacious with prospective lovers. A simple statement of inquiry, couched in a flattering manner, I find works best.

Always provide the gentleman an excuse to decline, of course. One should never be rude to (or with) ones food.

8. How do you really feel about Biffy and Lyall?

Perspicaciously squiffy.

RTW Biffy Lyall Heart Romancing the Werwolf Love Gail Carriger SS2

And he’s gone!

Thank you all for paying him such close attention, he loves it, even if he doesn’t say so.

Extra nugget! Archaeologists Unearth 2,200-Year-Old Mosaics In An Ancient Greek City

Want to ask the Good Vampire a question?

Just reply to your most recent Chirrup. Sign up here.

Yours in delicate balance,

Miss Gail

    • Not into newsletters? Get only new releases by following Gail on Amazon or BookBub!

    BOOK DE JOUR?

    Meat Cute: The Hedgehog Incident featuring Alexia & Conall’s first encounter!

    Meat Cute The Hedgehog Incident Gail Carriger Free Download

    PREORDER NOW!

    In this short story Alexia Tarabotti attends what seems to be a dull London party, until the new werewolf Alpha turns up, is unconscionably rude to her, and sits on a hedgehog.

    Upcoming Scribbles?

    Gail’s Daily Tea Party

Your Moment of Parasol . . .

1906 Woman by pond Autochrome (early color photograph) by the Lumiere brothers. source Parasol

Woman by pond, ca. 1906-12. Autochrome (early color photograph) by the Lumiere brothers.

Your Infusion of Cute . . .

Office Tea Passion Fruit Macaron Octopus Bread Teacup

Tea in the new office!

Your Tisane of Smart . . .

The True History of Human Flesh Books and Other Tales

Your Writerly Tinctures . . .  

neil gaiman quote how to write

Book News:

Author Gail Carriger & Amara In Seattle chat re: writing, conventions, travel, etc.

Quote of the Day:

“The harper ducked his head, as if hoping the words would fly over him and not land.”

~ The Reluctant Berserker by Alex Beecroft


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Suede & Other Fashion Troubles

Posted by Gail Carriger

 

He is back again, Gentle Reader!

Please welcome the Good Vampire to the bog today to answer all your most pressing questions.

Dear Lord Akeldama…

Is suede only for fall? 

Suede is like this fantastic young lover I once had, silken and glorious, lush and expensive, and terribly terribly high maintenance. I’m afraid to say, eventually, not good at any time of year.

Just got a top hat. The silk kind not beaver. Any practical dos and don’ts? Or just wear it as much as possible with anything? 

Silk top hats are for evening attire only. Hence the reason vampires are so in favor, we are after all, only out and about in the evening. In fact, my little beaver kit, there is much discussion over whether the top hat is nocturnal because of the vampire, or if the vampire is nocturnal because of the top hat.

An eternal question, I suspect.

Where did you meet Biffy?

Wherever he says we met, darling! After a man becomes immortal he is in charge of his own history.

Let’s be honest: you go over and tie all the werewolves’ cravats in the evening, don’t you?

Don’t be silly, my sweet Shibari, I send one of my drones to do it. Standards must be maintained!

Will dear ‘Dama’ promise to never change?

What benefit could there possibly be in any alteration? If the suit fits…

How do you keep your heels from hurting in stylish shoes?

All beauty is pain, my sweetling, anyone who sells you comfortable is unstylish.

Oh dear, that’s not exactly how the quote goes, is it?

It’s more of a wish for places where hourglasses might find suitable ready-to-wear clothes at a reasonable expense for the demands of modern life. Also, world peace and whatnot.

Honestly, precious, what would I know about such things? But my creator swears by eShakti custom dresses. You can read her guidelines for shopping with them on Retro Rack. 

Would you consider giving Ms. Carriger more of your time to appear more frequently in her blogs and columns for us lowly Midwest creatures.

No. Frequency is the enemy of anticipation. And if nothing else, I like to be anticipated. Even yearned for. If I visited too often, you would cease being so delighted to see me.

By Rebecca Nandi

What is the correct knot to use on one’s cravat when having tea with the Queen?

A mathematical. It shows a certain serious frame of mind and denotes humble gravitas.

What would be a tasteful wedding gift for two Werewolves in love?

Something durable yet pretty that they would never buy for themselves, a garden statue perhaps, or a cut glass serving dish for chopped liver with two gold spoons.

What is your opinion on jeans?

Confusion.

Sir, I understand that your personal network keeps you well informed as to all things, but in the matter of technology, how do you determine which is the most promising and which is rubbish? All of it appears new and fresh so what determines your choices?

I ask myself one simple question, gumdrop, can it be use to gather information on me or on others? Always go with the second option.

What is your favourite term of endearment?

Whatever one has most recently spilled forth from my lips, of course my little sugar plumb.

Did you want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? Join the Chirrup.

BOOK DE JOUR!

The 5th Gender (A Tinkered Stars Mystery as G. L. Carriger).

Preorder on Amazon | Elsewhere | Direct from Gail
Audio is coming. 

We have our first review and it is GLORIOUS! (Thank you Joli Abbott at Den of Geek)

“By showing that freedom that humanity has embraced (though humans certainly still have hang-ups about sex, according to other species), and contrasting it with the rigidity of galoi society, Carriger reminds readers of how far modern humanity has to go in accepting a normal beyond cis-heterosexual. But, even for the galoi, she offers a hair of hope at the end, and a reminder that the power to change and become lies in the stories we tell each other. Even stories about adorable lavender aliens and their human crushes.”

GAIL’S DAILY DOSE

Your Moment of Parasol . . .

The Queen Date July, 1873

Your Infusion of Cute . . .

Your Tisane of Smart . . .

These Victorian women had some great answers to the magazine that asked why they weren’t married

Quote of the Day:

“Well, if you insist. But, my dearest flower, how ghastly to consider that such a mustache must shadow the clean-shaven grandeur of my domicile.’ Lord Akeldama was rumored to insist that all his drones go without the dreaded lip skirt. The vampire had once had the vapors upon encountering an unexpected mustache around a corner of his hallway. Muttonchops were permitted in moderation, and only because they were currently all the rage among the most fashionable of London’s gentlemen-about-town. Even so, they must be as well tended as the topiary of Hampton Court.”

~ Lord A in top form


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Modern Identities & Future Appearances

Posted by Gail Carriger

The Good Vampire is back and snarkier than ever!

Please welcome him to the blog.

Dear Lord Akeldama…

Are you masquerading as Tom Hiddleston to throw 21st century folks off track? 

Anything is possible, my little crimson cherry drop.

Can I borrow your clothes?

No, but you can borrow my drones to take you shopping.

I have a brick fireplace with a wooden mantel. I am redecorating. What would make the fireplace look the best, painting more vibrant colors or stripping the paint to the original brick? 

This entirely depends on the rest of the house. If, in general you have painted everything light colors, then exposed brick can become a kind of accent. But if you have done dark, then I would paint it a lighter color.

If something is troubling you, treat it like a choice not a mistake. Works in writing. Works in life. Works in interior design.

Where do you get such wonderful tailoring? 

From my wonderful tailor, of course, don’t be silly darling.

Can I borrow Biffy as a lady’s maid? 

Biffy is otherwise engaged for the foreseeable future. And I do mean future.

Tiaras, too much for day wear? 

Diamonds are for evening but during the daytime perhaps pearls are acceptable. It would need to be a rather diminutive tiara, although there are always exceptions. Here are three tiara related questions to ask yourself…

  • Are you appearing at court? Yes.
  • Are you going courting? Maybe.
  • Are you appearing IN court? No.

What happens if immortals cut their hair? 

There’s no need to be rude!

Fashion suggestions for the fluffy graying gentleman?

You sound like a werewolf, hopeless case. Find yourself a project-orientated female or a Biffy, or both. Let them handle you for you.

Will we ever get a stand-alone? Need more of you, my sweetness. 

Honestly, to have that busy-body Miss Gail nosing about in my business on the regular? I think NOT.

Best place to find drones?

The West End, your local amateur dramatic society, the garment district, and LA… in that order.

What knot is the best cravat knot for a woman to wear?

The waterfall, it transitions over any unfortunate bumps with aplomb.

Why no female drones dahlink?? *stamps foot*

Temper. Temper.

Shows what you know.

Define female.

When will we read you again?

What, this isn’t good enough?

Did you want to ask Lord A a question? Just reply to your most recent Chirrup. Sign up here. 


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Beginnings, Cats & Hats

Posted by Gail Carriger

Once more into the breaches dear friends!

Lord Akeldama is back to dispense wit, wisdom, and insults in equal measure. He’s being very brief and short with you today, Gentle Reader.

Dear Lord Akeldama…

What was the Queen like at the time of your transformation?

Which queen? Me, mine or someone else’s?

How did it all begin?

It was messy. Beginnings always are, sadly. Any writer will tell you that.

Chartreuse, yes or no?

Stop.

What is the proper protocol when instructing young people about the dangers of despotic dictators?

Become one yourself for a day, see how they like it.

Jabot 1900 The Metropolitan Museum of Art

In the fantastic modern world of ours what would you do?

Take over all parade management. It’s just not good enough. Measures must be taken!

Assuming you were as savvy with electronic technology what would you use the internet for first? 

Bring back breeches, world domination, and drone recruitment… in that order.

How do you feel about losing your werewolf neighbors?

They were fantastic additions to the general scenery, but one is always torn around fellows who look as good out of their clothing as they do within it. The clothing, too, is often torn. Regular exposure to both plays positive havoc with the finer feelings of any truly refined gentleman of taste, so in the end my feelings are profoundly mixed.

What hair conditioners would you recommend? 

The best smelling ones, of course. You can’t be too careful with scent, especially when werewolves abound.

How much hat is too much for a man? 

Consider the three c’s of hat acquisition: A gentleman’s hat should be in direct proportion to his confidence, indirect proportion to his consequence, and coordinate with his outfit, his hair, and his eyes.

You know what they say about a man in a very large hat?

Very large…

Head.

What do you think is business casual attire? 

I am flummoxed by the word “business.” To imply that I, a gentleman of leisure, conduct any form of business is a grave insult. And I prefer not to think upon those poor unfortunates who must undertake *shudder* actual work.

Just how old is your cat?

One never asks a lady, a vampire, or a cat her age! Have I taught you nothing?

Could you tell us more about your past?

Certainly not, but my creator might. She’s a nosey bit of baggage, that Gail female.

 

Well, I think we shall stop things there, shall we Gentle Reader?

Yours in nosiness,

Miss Gail

Did you want to ask Lord A a question? Just reply to your most recent Chirrup. Sign up here. 

Book de Jour?

The Omega Objection San Andreas Shifters

Amazon | Kobo | B&N | iBooks
Direct from Gail

Can a gentle giant with a trampled heart
show a man who’s been running all his life that
sometimes there are monsters worth running towards?

GAIL’S DAILY DOSE

Your Infusion of Cute . . .

Your Tisane of Smart . . .

Vampire Myths from Around the World, and What They Have in Common

Your Writerly Tinctures . . .  

Upon My Death: What Happens To An Author’s Unfinished Work?

Book News:

Fan Art Merlioness from Competence (unsigned) gifted to me in Seattle 2019

Quote of the Day:


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Raising A Child & Cleaning One’s Fangs

Posted by Gail Carriger

He’s back!

Please welcome the Good Vampire of all our dreams back to the blog today, Gentle Reader.

Take it away, Lord Akeldama…

Dear Lord Akeldama…

Have you ever visited the far east?

East of where? And how far?

What is your favorite assassination technique? What do you find truly exceptional or intriguing about it?

I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

Would you be mad or delighted if if wrote a fanfiction with you in it?

One’s emotional reaction, I suspect, would be entirely based on the quality of any such endeavor. Isn’t it always?

What are the best (elegant) footwear options for young ladies of short stature who eschew heels?

Pointed or almond toed flats (unless you have very big feet), they extend the leg in an appealing manner. Avoid the square toe. Everyone should avoid the square toe, it is one of life’s true abominations, my little muffin.

How should one accessorize with a wheelchair? 

Gilt! Lots and lots of gilt, possibly some sparkles. By flashy, that’s what I always say. Don’t I? Well if I don’t I should say it.

How did you manage Prudence in your life before she could understand life in your house and hers?

Children are remarkably adaptable. If you inform them that this is the way life is, then they are most likely to accept it. It’s the adults you have to worry about, full of very strange notions.

What do you think about hipsters?

It entirely depends on the general approach. Far be it for me to object to well tended retro stylings. But anything unkempt, for example a beard or a (shudder) man bun, should be deemed nothing but unsightly in the eyes of any vampire. And, in my case, dismissed forthwith from my presence.

How are you so fabulous?

I’ll have you know that it takes a great deal of very hard work to appear to spend one’s time doing nothing at all, fiberty nibbits.

Dress Coat 1825-1830 The Mint Museum

What next? And when do we get the “Drones” manual?

Are you volunteering to write it? My secretary will be in touch, darling scribbler.

Akeldama is an unusual name. It is Egyptian? But are you originally from Egypt? Am I confused?

You are bemused, my poppet. I was metamorphosed in Egypt and I am very fond of it, but I wasn’t born there. The name is more of a title that I have grown quite quite fond of over the years.

You’ve seen it all, what good things in life keep you going?

The secret is to enjoy the small things one is gifted with each day ~ the prefect beverage, a kind compliment, a delicious snack, and let the large things roll over you.

Have you ever encountered a relationship poly in nature, a polyamorous relationship so to speak? If so would you be so kind as to share your thoughts on such relations?

Considering I myself live with a gaggle of young men, I am obviously in favor. The more the merrier, so long as everyone knows where they stand and chatters amiably and often. And cleans up after themselves.

I can’t abide a mess, in romance or sitting rooms.

How do you maintain your dental care?

With a liquid diet.

Fan Art Lord A by doyouraiklose

And with that we bit the good vampire farewell for the moment.

Did you want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? He only acknowledges Chirrup members these days, because we love them bestest. Sign up here.

Book de Jour?

The Omega Objection San Andreas Shifters

Amazon | Kobo | B&N | iBooks
Direct from Gail

Boy Meets Boy says:

The Omega Objection was a sweet, sexy, low angst read that’s entertaining and balances the line between romance and action well about a man who finally finds his place among a bunch of so called misfits and another man who finally understands his worth among a bunch of misfits; it was exactly what the doctor ordered. Carriger has created a world that’s uniquely her own in the shifter-verse that I thoroughly enjoy visiting and can’t wait to see what comes next.”

Sex Tips From Male Novelists

“Could you PLEASE stop staring at me like you’re thinking ‘The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his sternum.’?”

~ Overheard in Borderlands Books, from their awesome occasional blog


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ Ill Advised Color Choices & Fashionable Drinks

Posted by Gail Carriger

He’s back! Please welcome the Good Vampire to the blog today!

These questions all come from new Chirrup members, so if you want to ask him something, that’s how you do it!

Dear Lord Akeldama…

What are some things that make someone interesting enough to talk to, in your opinion?

Questions. People who ask questions are always more interesting than those who do not.

Any current fashion advice for a Lady with Dandy tendencies?

This Tumblr is for you. You can thank me later.

What kind of new magic will next be born into the world?

Well you can ask my creator, she’s rather taken with quinessence at the moment. You’ll have to read the San Andreas Shifter series to find out more but I’m enjoying the books, they are quite sexy and Manifest Destiny is charming.

What are your tips for writer’s block?

Don’t be ridiculous, scribbling, I don’t write! My creator, on the other hand, has this blog post for you.

Court Suit, ca 1810

What is the color would you suggest to wear for next year?

All of them, in well coordinated waves, of course.

Rubies or emeralds?

Diamonds go with everything, buttercup.

What was the first tea that truly made you fall in love with tea?

My creator is more of a tea fan than I am. I am always happy to serve it to others, of course. But in general my preference is for another warm beverage, served fresh, of course.

Is there a tea you prefer when you need to brood in a particularly majestic fashion?

Majesty requires alcohol, my slurpy darling, not tea. Champagne, of course. Brooding, I’m afraid, is customarily a job for claret or brandy.

George Heinrich von Kirn (German, 1736–1793)

In all the years you have lived, what has been your favourite fashion?

Rococo

Which color should be banned from the spectrum? For me it’s puce – neither fish nor fowl that one.

I’m not wild about chartreuse. My creator has another term for it but you need to give her several champagnes first before she’ll admit to it.

Must one’s shoes match one’s bag and/or blouse? I am being told I must. If so, why? 

The only rule I have for shoes is that they must match each other.

What is your opinion on velvet?

Favorable. Who doesn’t want to wear something that is both beautiful to look at and sumptuous to touch?

1873-1875 The Victoria & Albert Museum

Thank you, Lord Akeldama, for you wise words.

Until next time,

Yours in velvet,

Miss Gail

Did you want to ask Lord A a question? He now only entertains Chirrup members. Sign up here.

Quote of the Day:

“Random thought. I kinda feel like my books are gentle word hugs.”

~ Gail Carriger


Please Write Us A Story About Lord Akeldama, Miss Gail! (Occasional FAQ)

Posted by Gail Carriger

Write Goldenrod’s backstory for the love of Oolong!!!

Look Gentle Reader,

Lord Akeldama is best in very small doses.

Writing him for any length of time, IMPOSSIBLE. Can you imagine spending the space of one short story in that man’s head, let alone an entire book?

via antique royals tumblr

Plus most of his charm is to do with his mystery, if I tell you too much about him you’ll find him less interesting.

Although someone once said I should write about him from the perspective of his cat, which seems too silly even for me. (I know right? Who knew those words would ever come from my fingers?) But it is a possibility. Maybe some day when I am very drunk and I feel like the cat has something to say. The cat has to come alive as a voice in my head and have a specific scene or story to tell before this will happen. I’m not saying it’s impossible, just very very improbable. (10 points to anyone who gets that reference.)

Here’s what I can tell you…

There is a big, MASSIVE, reveal about Lord Akeldama’s past and his reasons for doing what he does in Reticence. So if you aren’t caught up on the Custard Protocol I recommend you do so before the last one comes out because otherwise the chatter will drive you mad.

Mad I tell you!

If what you love about Lord Akeldama is his flirty irreverence and general all knowing superiority than you should check out bot Max and Mana in the San Andreas Shifter series. And I and promise you that you will love Tristol, my alien character in the 5th Gender.

Hush now and let me write,

Miss Gail

Other People’s Opinions

Why Comic Relief Characters Often Don’t Make Good Main Characters

Did you want to ask the Good Vampire a question? Chirrup members can, because he loves them best. Sign up here.

Your Writerly Tinctures . . .  

“I get very worried about this idea of art. Having been an English literary graduate, I’ve been trying to avoid the idea of doing art ever since. I think the idea of art kills creativity.”

~ Douglas Adams

Book News:

Fan Art Lord Akeldama & baby Rue

Quote of the Day:

“… and that’s how I snuck an incredibly tasteful orgy into my young adult novel.”

~ Overheard in Borderlands Books, from their awesome occasional blog 


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ Have You Ever Loved A Woman?

Posted by Gail Carriger

 
It’s always a surprise to me when the Good Vampire wishes to drop by my blog. But it’s always a pleasure as well, and I am well aware that I need only step back and let him do his thing without interference.
So, without further ado, Gentle Reader, here is Lord Akeldama answering some of your many questions…
Briax asks, Sir, I understand that your personal network keeps you well informed as to all things, but in the matter of technology, how do you determine which is the most promising and which is rubbish? All of it appears new and fresh so what determines your choices?
My dear buckles, I merely ask myself the on all important question: is it pretty?

Jim asks, Greetings Sir, I’ve had a bit of a tiff with a colleague over his cutting remarks concerning my use of a silk brocade in a new waistcoat. He feels that I am dressing above my station. How do I properly respond in this matter?
My dear snerkles, one should always dress for the station one wants! Clothing is like an education, you can never have too much of the best kind, but something ill fitting or ill advised is best forgotten.

Questions from Chirrup!

(A quick note from Miss Gail. All Dear Lord A questions henceforth will be sourced in the Chirrup and I have a number of them to pass along to him. So there will be plenty more in the future.)

How would you recommend decorating a Great Room in an Arizona style house?

Like a sunset, all beautiful evening colors, drama drama drama! And, of course, lavishly. Do everything lavishly, my little desert flower. Why bother with anything less?

Lavender or roses?

I prefers something bolder, foxgloves or gladiolas. Big and bright and not strong smelling. The only scent in a room should be one’s own, my turtle dove.

What tea set pattern is a favorite?

I rather enjoy the boldness of something like Wileman Imari’s “Sunflower and Leaf Border.” But I have several so I may coordinate with my outfit of the day, of course, my little flitter-mouse.

Wileman Imari Sunflower & Leaf Border (from a defunked Etsy listing)

What is your first name?

My dear honeysuckle, I’m fairly certain we are not on terms of such intimate acquaintance as that!

I’m always uncertain about many things and often feel myself to be the complete incarnation of a complete drab. Please grant me some of your infinite wisdom and amazing sense both fashion and mind. Please explain to me what I should do.

Be bold! Fortune supposedly favors us, particularly the fashionable. The secret to enjoying life, my wilting honeysuckle, is not to care what other people think. It’s delightfully liberating and such fun.

What do your favorite pair of socks look like?

Socks? Socks! Darling I wear silk stockings, doesn’t everyone?

Stockings 1885-1889 The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Has there ever been a woman for you? An epic romance with amazing clothes?

One should never be restrictive in ones tastes. My creator is fond of the saying that one should try everything three times, in case the first two weren’t prepared properly. She is, naturally, talking about food. But then… so am I. You never know,  cuddlebiscuit, you could be missing your new favorite thing! Why impose limits?

Which vampire was responsible for spreading the news about the “cure” for “hysteria” for women?

Dr Caedes, of course. Isn’t it always?

Every time I hear Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen I think of you. Do you have a song you consider to be your personal theme song?

You mean aside from Maneater?

Stock 1830s The Metropolitan Museum of Art

What should I wear for night out?

Something that makes you feel powerful. Comfort is all well and good, but nothing is more of a confidence booster than power. My creator likes red, I like jewel toned velvet. For some it’s boots. Well, let’s be honest, for many it’s boots.

Get yourself some fabulous boots, stompling.

What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Wearing a hat or not wearing a hat?

Did you have a great love?

My darling, I have always been an overachiever. I have many.

And with that we bow the Good Vampire out, and thank him for another scintillating , if confusing, visit. I do hope you have enjoyed out time together.

Yours in fabulousness,

Miss Gail

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Your Infusion of Cute . . .

Quote of the Day:


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Rude Brothers & Getting His Own Novella (nope)

Posted by Gail Carriger

 

I invited the good vampire back to the blog today, Gentle Reader. He was in a bit of an abrupt and snarky mood. A snit, if you will.

I think he’s mad he doesn’t make an appearance in my latest book. He doesn’t like it when I don’t give him enough attention.

Chirrup Members Ask Lord Akeldama…

Fall front or conventional button fly for breeches?

Everything is better with buttons. I have only one image for you, my dove, sailor pants.

Any advice for a young, married woman working to increase her fashion sense, my rude brother often points out I have none.

Make the rude brother shop for you, my little foxglove.

How did Gail convince you to participate?

She’s very very trixy.

Dressing Gown 1832 The McCord Museum

Do you feel as though you’ve been able to grow personally in the centuries since your turning? Obviously you do well keeping up with (or generating) the cutting edge of fashion and that’s part of how you’ve remained vital for so long, but internally has being undead somewhat stagnated your growth, or would you say that your sequential loves and losses have also kept you evolving personally?

We are all creatures of our time, sweetpea. The questions is, which time?

When will you get a book to yourself?

Never, dumpling. I’m far too difficult to pin down in merely a few pages. I will not be trivialized! Except by myself, of course.

What is your favorite tea?

Tea? Tea! Blood or champagne or both, snookums! How could you possibly suggest otherwise?

What are your (or the Creator’s) favorite teas?

She’s very plebeian. Drinks a great deal of English breakfast and refuses anything too bright or brisk. The woman is nothing if not opinionated about tea, my honeysop. She reliably informs me that this is her favorite, Twinings 1706 Strong.

{Gail interjects: I have a whole list of favorite teas and tea related items in this Amazon list.}

Mademoiselle Geraldine’s girls have a few essentials, and Lady M always carries her parasol; what are your “must-have” accessories?

Well there is my golden pipe for important occasions but generally I find if one dresses perfectly everything else will be provided as needed, my little poppet.

How did you come to live in England?

Very carefully.

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Dear Lord Akeldama ~ Choosing a Lover & Raising Teen Girls

Posted by Gail Carriger

Please welcome the gentleman vampire back to my blog this week, Gentle Reader.

As always Lord Akeldama may not give you the answer you wish, he always gives the question the answer it deserves.

(If you asked him a question and do not see the answer, it is always possible he has answered it before.)

Samantha asks: If I were to give a vampire tea, what tea would be most appropriate and enjoyable for my guests?

Beautiful, young nubile individuals with those lovely blue veins very close to the surface. And bodybuilder athletic types. Those arms, you know my dearest morning glory?

Oh tea? No no no, water is much better. Perhaps some juice. Keep the hydration and blood sugar levels up. Tea is for friends, juice is for pets.

Book asks: How high a heel can a man wear in daytime vs nighttime ?

Is this a trick question, snugglepuss?

Jami asks: How can one be fashionable while suffering from a terrible headache? The movies suggest this is possible so I thought you’d know if it was or a deceitful fiction.

Velvet couches, cooling cloths and those slippers with the feathers over the toe. Oh and those filmy kimono robes with more feathers on the sleeves.

I remind you, dearest petunia bud, that ladies of quality do not suffer they languish.

Nightgown 1815-1822 The Victoria & Albert Museum

Caiti asks: What IS the proper way to pronounce your name?

Ak – elle – dah – ma

Anne-Laure asks: Any advice for Ladies who are not in a relationship and want to meet new people (maybe their own Lord Macon) but are not ready for spending time and money on dating online, or having a false interest in sports.

There is no better social engagement than dancing. And you know, my dearest waltzing petal, a man who can dance has… rhythm.

All hail the Percy Smirk via oimpernelfans tumblr3

Glan asks: You have experience raising a daughter. What advice do you have for a single father of twin girls about to enter their teen years?

Have a ready supply of chocolate and handkerchiefs on your person at all times. Be fair and firm and fashionable. If you do not want them to like it, like it yourself with vigor.

Susan asks: BTW please ask Lord A what are his favourite ladies’ designers? Also if he prefers Freddie Mercury or Adam Ant?

I have a soft spot for Worth, of course. And there is so much nostalgia for me wrapped up in the designs of Madame Vionnet. Pun intended, my grecian goddess.

Freddie Mercury of course, the name alone is superior.

FanArtLordADDBurgundy

Want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? Simply reply to the latest issue of the Chirrup with your question. Sign up here.

Quote of the Day:


Dear Lord Akeldama ~ Gifts, Endearments & Peas

Posted by Gail Carriger

Please welcome the gentleman vampire back to my blog this week, Gentle Reader!

Dear Lord Akeldama Ready for the Ball by François Brunery c1880

As always Lord Akeldama may not give you the answer you wish, he always gives the question the answer it deserves.

Rudderbuddy asks: Where did you get you love for food and floral related nicknames?

You can think of a better source of endearments?

Melissa asks: When visiting the home of a new acquaintance for the first time, what is the most appropriate gift, or is a gift necessary?

I’m always in favor of something small and edible ~ chocolates, bubbly, svelte young men with sparkling eyes and questionable moral fiber.

Quote Only The Fabulous live forever Lord Akeldama

Jessica asks: What is the best possible way to go about mixing patterns in fashion choices?

Keep your colors close and your sizes separate. In other words, mix a large pattern with a small one, but make sure they are both black & white.

Mandy asks: What fashions would you put a butterfly of a toddler in, considering that she likes to run and climb…

Waistcoat and trousers, naturally, darling. Or perhaps a very small lab coat emblazoned with “evil genius in training,” just to keep everyone around watchful.

Court suit Uncut voided silk velvet, silk faille, silk embroidery floss, gold & silver embroidery purl & frieze, rhinestone & metal sequins c. 1810-14

Sharon asks: I’m considering becoming a vampire queen. Suggestions? Hints?

Endeavor to be as fabulous as possible.

Tracy asks: If one has an extensive library, do you recommend shelving them by height, color, or some other system?

Color, setting, and approval rating.

Avery asks: If one must color one’s hair and belonging to the male gender with pale olive skin would you advise, ginger or blonde or black?

Black, my darling little eliá.

Irene asks: If one is setting up a network of secret agents, what is the best type of training for them: espionage, assassination, accountancy, or a combination?

Never forget table manners, wardrobe selection, and hat decoration. Oh and the consumption of peas. Peas always give trouble to those who have not been trained properly.

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By Rebecca Nandi

Quote of the Day:

“I have only two things to say to you, Lord Tilbury. One is that you have ruined a man’s life. The other is Pip-pip.”

~ P.G. Wodehouse


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