My Problem With Racoons

We call them coons in this neck of the woods. And where I grew up, yes it was actually woods, coons were (and still are) a problem. Sure they look like cute little banditos, but they are big fat mean angry smelly pests. They get into the garbage, they have sex under the porch, they climb all over the roofs, they wash food in the pond, they go up against the cats, and the dogs, and the occasional small child.

I remember one particularly funny coon incident. I was out visiting my mother and I had purchased some new beauty products on my way. I have a bit of a “smelling like food” addiction. There was some cinnamon bun shampoo, vanilla perfume, that kind of thing which I left in the car. Anyway, that night the racoons, hilariously, climbed into my car looking for the food. They upended the whole darn vehicle, got inside everything and left muddy paw marks everywhere. No food. To this day I am amused by the very idea of how frustrated they must have been.

“Where is it? I can smell the cinnamon! And the vanilla! I can smell it, Joe, I swear! It’s taunting me!”

So, this Sunday I was out on the bike and dumped her at low speed because of, you guessed it, a raccoon. This one was dead in the road and I braked too hard, didn’t want to put my foot down on the dead coon, and just went right over. Stupid in someone who’s been riding for 18 years. Nothing major wrong except that 500 lbs of bike landed on my left ankle. (Poor Carmen lost her gear shift and a bit off the clutch, some scrapes here and there but otherwise fine.)

So I’m laid up this week with a sprain, which turns out to be a good thing. Nothing to do but edit. Well, and winch on at you lot about coons.

Speaking of which, back to the editing mill for me.

Pip pip, and watch out for those racoons!


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Deportment & Deceit ~ The Finishing School Book the Second: Second draft read through.
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Quote of the Day:
“I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.”
~ August Strindberg (1849 – 1912), A Madman’s Diary, 1895

Posted by Gail Carriger


No Responses

  1. Laura Hughes, MittensMorgul said:

    I wish we just had raccoon problems, but right now we have two rogue black bears in the woods around my neighborhood! Hopefully I won't run into them! I'll take a few grungy coons over that. Sorry about your injury and your bike. Feel better soon!

  2. barrettmanor said:

    My biker husband sends his sympathies.

    I had an accident of my own the other day, on a piece of sidewalk I tread on two or three times a day. It was a stupid, klutzy thing, but one knee has turned some very interesting colors. And my hands? I'm considering gloves because – naturally! – I have a convention this weekend.

    Take care of yourself.

  3. JuLee said:

    You would have died laughing at my husband. We feed the feral cats that congregate in our blackberry bushes. One late night, a family of raccoons decided that the treat was for them. My husband took exception to this and was chasing them around the yard with a long sword!! At 2am no less.
    Seriously though, take care of your ankle and get on your feet again soon.

  4. Erin Latimer said:

    I love that you ride a motor bike. I always wish I could, there's something inherently bad ass and sexy about a woman on a bike. But I'm a terrible driver and I'd kill myself.

    Coons, huh? We don't worry about those here in Alberta, mostly Caribou. You don't want to run into one of THOSE.

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