The Care & Feeding of Your Human Author ~ A Cat’s Perspective by Lilliput the Bean, Ruler of Gail Carriger (Important for Writers)

Lilliput the Bean here.

I have hijacked my human’s blog.

For you, fellow cat-kind, I present my tips on how to care and feed your human authorbeast.

  1. Provide authorbeast with small kills as often as possible while singing the song of our people. Toy mice, fleece snakes, occasional burnt muffin bottom, or earplugs (I call them pinkies).
  2. Distract your authorbeast from overworking, often. They shouldn’t be allowed to focus too hard: walk across keyboard, nibble ankles, pretend to drink the tea.
  3. When in doubt, eat the laptop stand.
  4. Is your human sitting? Is there lap? Do they have a full bladder? Make those biscuits, make them!
  5. Attack your authorbeast through the filmy curtains. We all know they are see-through, but your human can’t tell. Humans aren’t that smart.
  6. Ostentatiously check objects in use, on the off chance that they might be tasty: iPad, phone, earbuds, kindle, corner of book, your human’s fingers and eyebrows.
  7. Test gravity regularly. Make absolutely certain it is always working properly. For science!

Now, go forth and help your authorbeast to write!

No writing for you

{Gail’s monthly read along for March is Crown Duel by Sherwood Smith.}


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“Never trust a woman who wears mauve, whatever her age may be, or a woman over thirty-five who is fond of pink ribbons. It always means that they have a history.”

~ Oscar Wilde

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Posted by Gail Carriger

5 Responses

  1. Sophia Beaumont said:

    Ha! Hermes does all of these, though he prefers to lay on my bladder and purr instead of kneed. Especially if it is 6am and I’d previously been sound asleep.

  2. Gayle Cochrane said:

    Fabulous. Small kills this morning in our house were paper napkins from take-out.

  3. Jo said:

    Oh, Lilliput! The best my snake ever gives me is a bit of shed skin or a regurgitated mouse….I’ve been missing out on so much.

  4. Susan Wilkinson said:

    My four agree with the walk across what I’m doing, check out what I’m drinking, chew on intriguing things like my laptop or fingers and have fun with the shower curtain. Mine don’t go outside but I’ve just moved to the country and while my sister might have a visit from a mouse, I am really hoping to miss out on that opportunity for my furry family.

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