Sep242010

Dear Lord Akeldama ~ Cars Versus Hats

The vampire is visiting…

Locus steampunk issue featuring yours truly and Cherrie Priest – we may, or may not, be the same person.

And now, I bring to you some Dear Lord Akeldama
In which everyone’s favorite indomitable vampire wields italics in your general direction.

@CapitolClio Asks
What is to be done about men who wear pleated slacks.
Lord A: My darling pumpkin flower, nothing for it, immediate capital punishment. Ooo, snack time for meee!

@medusasmirror
Wants to know how to wear a proper hat in a modern car.
Lord A: Darling, invest in a convertible!

@msdawnbaby
Lord A, Need ur fab fashion advice. Choosing colors for my wedding. Navy & lavender, what wld u suggest 4 an accent color?
Lord A: Gold, my little perwinkle, lots of gold and sparkles! If you have a werewolf problem, silver is also good. Or champagne. Champagne goes with everything.

@charlesatan
Dear Lord Akeldama, I’m a werewolf dating a ghost. Have problems getting intimate. Suggestions on how to overcome problems?
Lord A: Conversation makes for a scintillating start to any evening, and it’s something everyone can enjoy. However, and I hesitate to darken your romance, but I’m afraid you may be doomed by compatibility troubles. After all, you go bone bending one a month, and she’s got no bones left to speak of.

Anonymous asks:
Fear of being bitten by vampires (no offense) & werewolves. What weapons do you recommend while still remaining fashionable?
Lord A: I have it on good authority that hair sticks make wonderful defensive weapons. I myself enjoy the occasion cravat pin of consequence and appeal. Your best defense, however, is in the company you keep, surround yourself with exquisite objects and dazzlingpeople and any attacker will be instantly distracted!

@Liliona
Dear Lord Akeldama, I have lots of guy friends but they keep falling in love with me and when I don’t reciprocate, they bail. What can I do?
Lord A: My little prickly pear, believe you me, I truly understand your dilemma. I prefer the “anything is possible” approach. Always keep your options open! Simply stating something along the lines of: “My dear, how flattering, but I am embarrassed to admit that I have more than enough offers to occupy my time at the moment. Perhaps, in some three or four decades, if you would care to enquire again? My tastes and or inclinations might have changed.”

@fangbooks Asks
if Lord Akeldama could share appropriate dance steps to use when celebrating another @gailcarriger addict declaring themselves?
Lord A: I shouldn’t wish to suggest anything too brash: a small minuet with a final double hand flourish for punctuation should suffice. (I believe the crass modern age may refer to this as Jazz Hands.)

Want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? Join the Chirrup

Gail’s Daily Dose
Your Tisane of Smart:
Sydney Opera House from the front = Darth Vader?

 

Quote of the Day:
“My own experience is that once a story has been written, one has to cross out the beginning and the end. It is there that we authors do most of our lying.”
~ Anton Chekhov

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Posted by Gail Carriger

 

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