Dear Lord Akeldama: On Suede & Other Fashion Troubles

He is back again, Gentle Reader!

Please welcome the Good Vampire to the bog today to answer all your most pressing questions.

Header Dear Lord Akeldama ~ On Suede & Other Fashion Troubles

Dear Lord Akeldama…

Is suede only for fall? 

Suede is like this fantastic young lover I once had, silken and glorious, lush and expensive, and terribly terribly high maintenance. I’m afraid to say, eventually, not good at any time of year.

Just got a top hat. The silk kind not beaver. Any practical dos and don’ts? Or just wear it as much as possible with anything? 

Silk top hats are for evening attire only. Hence the reason vampires are so in favor, we are after all, only out and about in the evening. In fact, my little beaver kit, there is much discussion over whether the top hat is nocturnal because of the vampire, or if the vampire is nocturnal because of the top hat.

An eternal question, I suspect.

Where did you meet Biffy?

Wherever he says we met, darling! After a man becomes immortal he is in charge of his own history.

Let’s be honest: you go over and tie all the werewolves’ cravats in the evening, don’t you?

Don’t be silly, my sweet Shibari, I send one of my drones to do it. Standards must be maintained!

Will dear ‘Dama’ promise to never change?

What benefit could there possibly be in any alteration? If the suit fits…

How do you keep your heels from hurting in stylish shoes?

All beauty is pain, my sweetling, anyone who sells you comfortable is unstylish.

Oh dear, that’s not exactly how the quote goes, is it?

It’s more of a wish for places where hourglasses might find suitable ready-to-wear clothes at a reasonable expense for the demands of modern life. Also, world peace and whatnot.

Honestly, precious, what would I know about such things? But my creator swears by eShakti custom dresses. You can read her guidelines for shopping with them on Retro Rack. 

Would you consider giving Ms. Carriger more of your time to appear more frequently in her blogs and columns for us lowly Midwest creatures.

No. Frequency is the enemy of anticipation. And if nothing else, I like to be anticipated. Even yearned for. If I visited too often, you would cease being so delighted to see me.

By Rebecca Nandi

What is the correct knot to use on one’s cravat when having tea with the Queen?

A mathematical. It shows a certain serious frame of mind and denotes humble gravitas.

What would be a tasteful wedding gift for two Werewolves in love?

Something durable yet pretty that they would never buy for themselves, a garden statue perhaps, or a cut glass serving dish for chopped liver with two gold spoons.

What is your opinion on jeans?


Sir, I understand that your personal network keeps you well informed as to all things, but in the matter of technology, how do you determine which is the most promising and which is rubbish? All of it appears new and fresh so what determines your choices?

I ask myself one simple question, gumdrop, can it be use to gather information on me or on others? Always go with the second option.

What is your favourite term of endearment?

Whatever one has most recently spilled forth from my lips, of course my little sugar plumb.

Did you want to ask Lord Akeldama a question? Join the Chirrup.

Miss Gail


Dear Lord Akeldama & Parasolverse Ephemera

Being a collection of vampire advice columns, silly steampunk philosophical treatises, and deleted scenes from the Parasol Protectorate and more!

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Gail’s Daily Tea Party

Your Tisane of Smart . . .

These Victorian women had some great answers to the magazine that asked why they weren’t married

Quote of the Day:

“Well, if you insist. But, my dearest flower, how ghastly to consider that such a mustache must shadow the clean-shaven grandeur of my domicile.’ Lord Akeldama was rumored to insist that all his drones go without the dreaded lip skirt. The vampire had once had the vapors upon encountering an unexpected mustache around a corner of his hallway. Muttonchops were permitted in moderation, and only because they were currently all the rage among the most fashionable of London’s gentlemen-about-town. Even so, they must be as well tended as the topiary of Hampton Court.”

~ Lord A in top form

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